Again as I reflect upon the conversations about trust, it becomes very apparent that trust is not something to be taken lightly or that is easily created. However, it is something that is critical to relationships and easily destroyed. Is it any wonder that individuals find it difficult to trust others, to be real and authentic in all they attempt to do in life?
Perhaps we may need to look at trust differently. Perhaps we should look at trust to mean we can count on people to behave with the best intentions for the team. We may not know how the person will behave in any situation before it happens, but we can have trust that the individual will behave with the best intentions for the situation.
Things begin to fall through the cracks, causing hurt feelings or uncertainty about what to do. People start doing things their own way without saying much to the other group. The other group begins to question what that individual is doing and if that person is representing the whole group or not. Criticism happens and people start questioning each other’s motives. Suddenly the trust between the groups, which was really trust of the central individual, starts slipping and anger and frustration appear to replace the cooperative working relationship that once existed. Now conflict is center stage and people are really convinced the world has gone bad very quickly.
But when a teammate or work group member, someone you must depend on to achieve a goal, exhibits these behaviors it becomes impossible to have the trust needed to be successful with the group’s efforts. The very foundation of a trusting relationship is not possible with the passive aggressive individual.
If you have ever been seen by another person as the source of his or her anger because your actions interfered in getting something he or she wanted, then you might have been the target of some of this angry behavior or nasty comments.
If you have ever worked with a “know it all,” you know how difficult it is to get the individual to trust that you or anyone else involved has any credibility. She or he doesn’t have time to work with others. The “know it all’s” challenge or goal is to get more done and the way to do that is to tell everyone how to do it. After all, the “know it all” is the expert.
To become more conscious of our behavior and our actual desired outcome for a situation, we need constant reflection and feedback. We need to become more present and tuned into our feelings and body awareness. We can actually learn a lot about ourselves and use that information to address the issue at the time. We can begin to intervene based on the cues we get from our own bodies.
To most it seems pretty clear. Conflict works to destroy the trust between or among individuals. However, the reality is that it depends on how the conflict is handled.
If I want to demonstrate that I am trustworthy, I must try as hard as I can to understand the other person’s point of point before I even think about sharing my point of view. And I must demonstrate that understanding.
We talk a lot about building trust these days. Well, perhaps one quick way to build trust is to be seen as competent, confident, and relevant.