More than 25 years of research on parenting teens provides some consistent information about what works. “Two key findings might help parents of teens stay the course and continue to parent in effective ways,” according to Donna Donald, Iowa State University (ISU) Extension family life specialist.
Research reveals that contrary to popular opinion, most teens report happy, pleasant relationships with their parents. And teens with authoritative parents, those who continue to enforce family rules, monitor their teen and set appropriate limits in a warm and caring atmosphere, show more positive mental health and academic success than those from permissive or very authoritarian homes.
“These studies show there are great benefits from authoritative parenting,” Mrs. Donald says. Lawrence Steinberg, renowned expert on adolescent development, believes that authoritative parenting is particularly beneficial to teen development because it does the following:
- Warm, parental involvement makes children more receptive to parental influence. This becomes especially important during the independent-striving teen years.
- The combination of support and structure or limit-setting helps develop self-regulatory skills. When adults are not around, teens have learned some ways to control themselves.
- Ongoing communication and problem-solving with teens have encouraged their social and mental competence. They are more able to think through situations outside the family setting.
The second key research finding, according to Steinberg, is that typical day-to-day conflicts are less important to the teen than to the parent who is more likely to hold on to the emotion and be more distressed by the negative interaction. While the parent may see the disagreement as a rejection of moral values or a violation of family expectations, the youth may assign much less meaning to the conflict and merely see it as two people disagreeing. Thus, the teen developmentally is moving toward more independence and autonomy, while the parent may feel less valued and challenged in the caregiving role.
Steinberg has found in numerous studies that parents of teens need reassurance. They need to be reminded that their role is still extremely important, that adolescents tend to value the opinions of their parents although often not acknowledging them, and that teens generally do not see parent-adolescent conflict the same way that adults do.
“Parents DO make a difference when their children are in the teen years!” Mrs. Donald says. “It’s never time to stop being a parent. It’s always time to use authoritative parenting by demonstrating love and setting limits with warmth.”
“Managing Conflict With Teens” (Pm 1660g) is a publication available from your ISU County Extension office.
Donna K. Donald, Family Life Field Specialist
309 North Main, Leon, IA 50144
Phone: 641-446-4723 Fax: 641-446-6142
Email: ddonald@iastate.edu