Parents have a resource when it comes to knowing how to parent adolescents - over twenty-five years of research!
Two key research findings can guide parents through their child’s teen years:
- Most teens report happy, pleasant relationships with their parents.
- Teens with authoritative parents, those who continue to enforce family rules, monitor their teen and set appropriate limits in a warm and caring atmosphere, show more positive mental health and academic success than those from permissive or very authoritarian homes.
Lawrence Steinberg, renowned expert on adolescent development, has found in numerous studies that parents of teens need reassurance. They need to be reminded that:
- Their role is still extremely important.
- Adolescents tend to value the opinions of their parents although often not acknowledging them.
- Teens generally do not see parent-adolescent conflict the same way as adults do.
In fact, Steinberg notes that typical day-to-day conflicts are less important to the teen than to the parent who is more likely to hold on to the emotion and be more distressed by the negative interaction. While the parent may see the disagreement as a rejection of moral values or a violation of family expectations, the youth may assign much less meaning to the conflict and merely see it as two people disagreeing. Thus, the teen developmentally is moving towards more independence and autonomy, while the parent may feel less valued and challenged in his caregiving role.
Studies also show that there are great benefits from authoritative parenting of teens. Parents who are warm, responsive and yet have high expectations for their children are more likely to have adolescents who report positive self-esteem, be socially competent and are academically successful.
Steinberg believes that authoritative parenting is particularly beneficial to teen development because it does the following:
- Warm, parental involvement makes the child more receptive to parental influence. This becomes especially important during the independent-striving teen years.
- The combination of support and structure or limit-setting helps develop self-regulatory skills. When the adult is not around, the teen has learned some ways to control himself.
- Ongoing communication and problem-solving with the child has encouraged her social and mental competence. She is more able to think through situations outside the family setting.
Parents do make a difference when their children are in the teen years! It’s never time to stop being a parent. It’s always time to use authoritative parenting by demonstrating love and limits; warmth and limit setting.
For more research-based advice on parenting adolescents, download Managing Conflict with Teens, a free PDF publication from Iowa State University Extension. Copies of this resource are also available through the county Extension office for $0.50; ask for publication PM 1660G.
Research information taken from L.Steinberg, Temple University, keynote to Children, Youth & Families at Risk National Conference, 2001.