This article is the first in a series of four articles by field specialist Beth Fleming.
Have you ever witnessed a parent trying to hush a whiny toddler by continuously offering him candy if he behaved? Or overheard an angry voice in the grocery say, “Shape up, or else!” to a wide-eyed, silent preschooler as the adult roughly yanked her by the elbow?
A single parenting behavior or incident may not accurately reflect how a parent generally interacts with his child. But shopping excursions can provide interesting insights into different parenting styles.
Adults tend to incorporate parenting styles into their child-rearing activities that are based on their beliefs, values and philosophy. These revolve around issues of control and nurturance. Studies indicate there are essentially broad patterns of parenting or “parenting styles” which are related to a child’s future success and well-being - permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative.
Permissive parents are basically child-centered. They attempt to accept and affirm the child. Overall, they tend to be lenient, avoid confrontation, and let the child regulate his own activities as much as possible and generally lack parental control. Studies show that children from very permissive homes tend not to control their emotions well, have trouble persisting in challenging situations, and thus perform less well in school and are more likely to be involved in problem behaviors.
Authoritarian parents emphasize firm control. They expect obedience without explanation and place a high value on responsibility and preserving order. How the child feels or thinks is not a priority. Studies indicate children raised in highly authoritarian homes are not as likely to be involved in problem behaviors, often do well in school, but report low self-esteem and higher rates of anxiety and depression.
Authoritative parents attempt to impart clear standards for their children but use discipline which encourages respectful communication and reasoning. These parents focus on being warm and responsive to the child’s individuality while still having high expectations for good behavior. This parent explains reasons behind rules, listens to objections, and still keeps a bottom line. Children raised with these parenting practices have been shown to have higher self-confidence and emotional maturity, do well in school, have positive social skills, and report few problem behaviors.
Love and limits are two key words in the authoritative parenting approach. This strategy combines a nurturing and responsive attitude towards each child while at the same time demonstrating firm and appropriate expectations for good behavior. Studies consistently indicate this parenting style is the most likely to help children succeed academically and socially.
Future articles will explore the benefits of authoritative parenting and ways to incorporate this approach more consistently with children and teens.
Continue to part 2