Recently a friend was describing the move of her daughter to college. After covering the room, campus and detailing the first call home, she said, “Having a college student opens another realm of parenting.” She was right. College represents our children’s first chance to really spread their wings and put to the test the lessons we have taught them.
Karen Coburn and Madge Lawrence, in their book “Letting Go -- A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years,” have identified developmental patterns that children often experience during their first semester at college. Each child is unique, but these patterns can help you in this next stage of parenting.
· Initial frantic pace: classes begin, instructors are sized up. Most kids have good intentions and high expectations for success.
· Explosion of new activities: parties, sporting events and impromptu get togethers. Some children will thrive on the activity, while others may feel a bit overwhelmed.
· Settling-in period: three or four weeks into the semester the first wave of homesickness begins to set in. Some will reach out to old high school friends and others will call home more often. In this stage there is a strong desire to establish a community.
· Clearer friendships: the novelty of new friendships wears off. During this stage parents can encourage their children to continue to look for friendships that support them and their interests.
· Midterms approach: the difference between high school and college sets in. College medical clinics see more illnesses at this time. Parents can continue to encourage their children and be aware of what counseling services are available if their children need assistance.
· First visit home: the time when parents get a clearer picture of the identity that their children are forming. Parents should be prepared for new clothing preferences, hairstyles and habits. Often children will push their independence by staying out late.
· Finals: a time of increased class pressure, studying and finishing last minute projects, as well as increased social holiday gatherings
· Home for the Holidays: a changed child. Beware, what may come home isn’t always what you remember taking to college. Holidays for your college student represent a great way to relax and get away from it all. Remember that this just is part of the initial rhythm, as you are knee deep in your own holiday preparation stress.
· Winter Break is over: your student returns to school, a bit more confident and aware of what to expect.
For more parenting information, contact your County Extension office.