Extension Communications
3614 Administrative Services Building
Ames, Iowa 50011-3614
(515) 294-9915
4/26/99
For Immediate Release
Contacts:
Virginia Molgaard, Human Development and Family Studies,
515-294-8762
Carol Ouverson, Extension Communications, 515-294-9640
Expert: Parents, Kids Need To Connect
AMES, IA--Spending one-on-one time with each child helps parents and children stay connected, according to family relations expert James Levine.
Levine spoke recently at Iowa State University as part of an ISU Extension sponsored program. The founder of The Fatherhood Project, part of the Families and Work Institute in New York, Levine is also co-author of the books "Working Fathers: New Strategies for Balancing Work and Families" and "New Expectations: Community Strategies for Responsible Fatherhood."
"The overall idea is connection, whether at home, school or work," Levine said. Kids will remember the personal time they spend with a parent more than an expensive vacation. Talk in the car or do housework together, he suggested.
"The single best way to connect at school is to find out what goes on there," Levine said. "Step inside the child's world."
"Think of visiting the school as preventive health," Levine said. A child's motivation to succeed in school comes from parental involvement, and achievement in high school is especially influenced by a father's involvement, Levine said. It tells both the child and the teacher that school is important.
He suggests visiting before scheduled parent-teacher conferences. If a full visit is not possible, parents can add five minutes to the time they spend dropping off and picking up their kids to see what goes on in the school.
Levine said his son was not excited about Dad visiting his tenth grade classes, but the experience gave them a new level for conversation about school.
Ironically, Levine said, what kids need most may not be more time with their parents, but for their parents to spend more time with each other. On national surveys, children overwhelmingly report they want their parents to have less stress than to spend fewer hours at work or to spend more hours at home.
Levine said the family connection starts with parents taking care of themselves. It's like the emergency procedures for flying in an airplane. Parents are told to secure their own oxygen masks before assisting a child. The same thing holds true for a family.
"One of the best things you can do is to make a date with your partner," Levine said. When couples become parents, the amount of time they spend together goes down and their stress level goes up. He said before couples marry, they plan dates together, but married couples seldom take time for dates, causing tension to build in the marriage.
The parent-child connection at work is best accomplished by taking a child to work for a day. "Most kids don't know what their parents do at work," Levine said.
Mark McGwire takes his son with him to work, and while not everyone can be Mark McGwire, many work situations allow parents to bring a child to work for a day, Levine said.
He told of a night shift worker who had little connection with his six kids until he started bringing them to work. Then his children loved to ask him questions about his job.
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