You make choices that affect your work relationships
“To be successful in today’s workplace, we need to excel in areas such as communication, collaboration, motivation and adaptation to constant change. All these skills require the ability to understand and connect well with other human beings.”
--John Gottman, ‘The Relationship Cure: A Five-Step Guide for Building Better Connections with Family, Friends, and Lovers’
A person’s ability and willingness to turn toward others is influenced by
1. the way his or her brain processes feelings
2. the way emotions were handled in the home where he or she grew up
3. emotional communication skills
When you have good relationships, those that the emotional bids have been turned toward time and again----conflict is a whole new game. You’re going to disagree; you may get upset. But there’s still a connection. There are flashes of affection, interest and respect. The humor is still present. The conflict becomes a discovery and problem solving effort.
If there are not good relationships, individuals or entire work teams may feel alienated, passive or hostile, misunderstood or disrespected. Cut off from vital information. There’s low morale. If the failure is between management and employees, see Jan. 15, Management and information: the broken connection.
People make bids for emotional connection to satisfy one of three emotional needs
1. to be included
2. to have a sense of control over their lives
3. to be liked
When these needs are met, people have a sense of well-being and purpose.
We each make choices every day that affect the quality of our workplace relationships and all other relationships.
“Good relationships make our lives good; bad relationships make our lives bad.…To learn how to be happy we must learn how to live well with others, and civility is a key to that.”
--P.M. Forni, ‘Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct’