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Emotional boundaries bring order to your life

Strong emotional boundaries provide a clear sense of who you are and your relationships to others. Boundaries empower you to determine how we’ll be treated by others. With good boundaries, you protect yourself from the ignorance, drama, meanness and thoughtlessness of others.

Emotional boundaries define and protect

Each person has unique ideas, feelings, values, wishes and perspectives. Strong emotional boundaries include
• the right to say no
• the freedom to say yes
• acceptance of differences
• permission for expression

Clear boundaries preserve your individuality. Boundaries are formed by your history, experiences, personality, interests, dislikes, perceptions, values, priorities and skills.

You teach others where your boundaries are by the way you let them treat you

Most people will respect your boundaries if you indicate where they are. With some people however, you must actively defend your boundaries.

Boundaries should be distinct enough to preserve your individuality yet open to admit new ideas and perspectives. Firm enough to keep your values and priorities clear, open enough to communicate your priorities, yet closed enough to withstand assault.

Boundaries protect without isolating, contain without imprisoning and preserve identity while permitting external connections. Good boundaries make good relationships.


This is a new subject for me, as far as thinking in terms of "boundaries" for myself. I believe I need to expand my thinking and look at the boundaries I have set to preserve my identity. I used "boundary lines" while raising my children. These "boundaries" were used to protect them from harm and to teach them good behavior. Now as an adult, I must think about my own personal boundaries. Do I have firm enough boundaries for verbal abuse toward me? Does my personality show others where my boundary lines exist?? Are my boundaries flexible enough in certain areas? I need to think on this subject. Thanks, Lynette, for the input!

I think the following are tip-offs of people with boundary issues:

* Belief they are overworked. People who set appropriate boundaries are clear about what is enough and don't get drawn into things that keep them from getting their work done.

* Frequent anger towards coworkers. We all get grumpy, but people who always seem to have a bone to pick generally haven't developed the insulation of good boundaries.

* "Born to Chat". They are frequently meeting personal needs at the expense of productive, their own and others.

* The Tommy syndrome: "Hear me, See me, Touch me, Heal me."

I don't believe there is a way to intervene in other's boundaries problems. The leap is for me to recognize it in others and work on developing my own boundaries.

I agree that boundaries are very important. They tell reasonable people how they should react to you. Albeit not everyone is reasonable. Hopefully you will be blessed by not having unreasonable people in your environment. Please pardon the double negative.