Civility in the Workplace

All of us have dealt with trust and mistrust since childhood. Whom could you trust? Your life experiences shape your capacity and willingness to risk trusting others. Has extending trust been misplaced or validated?

The balance between hope and vulnerability
What is your state of readiness for unguarded interaction? If you extend trust, that’s hope. You hope a person has the competence and civility to help everyone in the organization succeed. Subsequent actions, words and decisions build or erode trust. When you believe you are vulnerable and will be hurt, trust erodes.

Trust is workplace currency
People make deposits that build trust and withdrawals that erode trust.
Some questions to gauge trustworthiness
1. How quickly and publicly does this person judge people, decisions and work?
2. Does he listen and is the listening sensitive and empathetic? The most successful and influential people
3. Does she show appreciation or take credit for others’ work?
4. Does he micromanage? Micromanagement (command and control)
5. Does this person accept failure as human and learn from failure?
6. Does he have integrity? He believes in something, professes it and acts on it. Integrity if more than honesty
7. Is her assistance helpful or manipulative?
8. Does this person ask questions that contribute to understanding and clarification?
9. Does she blame others?
10. Is communication truthful, timely and as complete as possible?
11. Is he assertive, confronting problems when they arise?
12. Does she pander to her supervisor(s)?
13. Is this person unpredictable? Unpredictability evaporates loyalty
14. Does he respect people?
and my number one question---
15. Does he do things that benefit others and the organization even when it’s not in his self-interest?

The answers help shape perceptions of competence, intentions and trustworthiness
We are each unique in how vulnerable we’re willing to be and just where our tipping point lies. We have to face fundamental questions---
Do I like being cynical and angry or optimistic and happy?
How can I make the best possible situation of this relationship?
What can I trust about this person?

It’s all workplace currency. You’ve undoubtedly thought about other people as you read the questions. Now ask the questions of yourself. Do your words and actions promote or erode trust?

How do you gauge trustworthiness?

References on trust relationships
Trust Rules: The Most Important Secret About Trust
We lose in every way when we lose trust

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 06:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

As of the end of April, an entry on how to stop bullying is #1 on the top 10 most visited Civility in the Workplace blog posts.

It’s sad so many people are being bullied.
It’s good people are recognizing bullying.

For more than a year, I’ve subscribed to Bully Free Monthly coming out of Canada. Last month the author expanded to a blog and the amount of information has blossomed.

Lots of information on one site, http://www.BullyFreeAtWork.com/blog

I’ve added it to my resource list on this blog’s main page too.

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 06:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Typically you think about how an organization prepares to welcome a new employee by having a computer ready and a schedule of orientation meetings. I’ve just witnessed the other side—a new employee who jump-started a job by his preparation and approach.

The new employee is an interim minister for a congregation of 350 that has seven governing boards. Churches, in my experience, have turf battles and members with different passions….and history. I think you can equate that to many offices, departments, organizations. In the past several weeks, I’ve observed this man approach his new job with professionalism and civility.

Professional approach
He started preparation before he went on the payroll. He requested a list of documents several weeks before he reported to work. He silently observed relationships and interactions at worship services and several workshops…and there he probably had an advantage over most jobs.

Approaching the job with civility
When he officially began this job, he didn’t offer opinions or voice assumptions but asked insightful questions. On his second day at work, he asked me a difficult question, ‘Who are the five most influential people in your congregation?’ My answer, when I had thought about it long enough, was probably how you’d answer for many work places. The most influential do not necessarily hold positions you assume would assure influence. The people I named had earned respect for their leadership exhibited by their work, passion and levelheaded, insightful thinking.

Questions that benefit the organization
If you are receptive to the questions of a new employee, you can look at your organization anew. Who's in charge of what? Why are things the way they are? Who can help explain this? Do you do that? When you try to answer those questions, you see problem areas that were previously invisible to you.

Maybe I should have titled this ‘instant trust and rapport’ because that’s my assessment of how he jump-started this job.

(Trust and rapport are powerful---posts to follow.)

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 06:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

No. Accept that. Free yourself by accepting Judger is a part of you…but practice Learner.

Every one of us has these two mindsets…the only issue being which one we choose at any given moment. At any time ask, ‘Am I in Judger? How else can I think about this? Where would I like to be?’

In ‘Change Your Questions, Change Your Life’, Marilee Adams has a Choice Map that shows the Judger path means automatic reactions, is blame-focused and features win-lose situations. The Learner path leads to thoughtful choices, is solution-focused and features win-win situations.

The switching lane is where you rescue questions or course-correct questions
Notice the questions are in first person---‘I, my’.
Is this what I want to feel?
Is this what I want to be doing?
What’s my choice right now?
What humor can I find in the situation?

What assumptions am I making? What are the facts?
False or incomplete information can get you in a lot of trouble. Assumptions may be invisible chains to the past that block freedom of choice and action for the future. To make an assumption is to presume something is true without verifying it. What am I assuming about myself, about others, based on past experiences, about available resources, limitations, circumstances?

Switch to observer
When you get into a challenging situation and have an impulse to act or express a feeling, step into observer mode. Remind yourself that, just as with a ringing phone, you do not have to ‘answer’ those impulses. You can watch. Then when you take action, you can be more thoughtful, strategic and mindful of potential consequences.

Work to develop ways to make intentional, conscious choices rather than being controlled by events around you. These are essential leadership qualities.

Think like a Learner
It’s dealing with what happens rather than making judgments about what has happened. A Judger can be self-righteous, arrogant and defensive.

Shaping your questions into Learner questions is a core self-management skill, a skill of civility, one you apply to yourself and in your relationships with others.

Adams writes “Share this material with others. Feel free to download some of the QuestionThinking tools. You can print out copies of these tools to share with friends, family and colleagues. Put them on your refrigerator door and let them stimulate conversation with family members. Put them up at work, or bring copies with you to a group or team meeting where QuestionThinking might be useful.” The tools include the Choice Map and The Top 12 Questions for Success at www.InquiryInstitute.com.

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 06:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Judger mindset is critical, reactive, committed to being right, looks from its own perspective only, is win-lose and narrows possibilities. Judger in this sense means judgmental (attacking others or yourself). It usually puts you in conflict. Judger questions may lead you to feel de-energized, fearful, negative, tense or even a little depressed

In contrast, Learner mindset is open-minded, accepting, curious, discerning, thoughtful, looks from multiple perspectives and opens possibilities.

In the fable ‘Change Your Questions, Change Your Life’, Marilee Adams explains QuestionThinking, a system of tools for transforming thinking, action and results through skillful question-asking that helps you be more efficient, productive, successful and happy.

The lesson of the fable
Ask questions, lots of questions but make them skillful questions from a Learner perspective rather than a Judger mindset. Valuing not knowing is the basis of creativity and innovation. Genuine childlike curiosity is one of our greatest assets.

The questions you ask yourself can stimulate curiosity, inspire you and move you toward success OR they can drive you to despair, result in inactivity and failure. Rather than asking ‘Why can’t I meet project deadlines?’ ask ‘What’s possible? What can I learn about how I schedule my work or how much work I take on or my estimates of completion dates?’

External questions
People who spend more time in Judger than Learner can be driven and productive. They can also drive everyone around them nuts, lower productivity, cooperation, creativity and people’s ability to contribute. Operating from Judger can build resentment and conflict. An organization run by people in high Judger tends to have greater levels of stress, conflict and problems.

When you listen and ask questions from the Learner perspective, people feel accepted. They’re more forthcoming, cooperative and creative. It’s civility.

It is mindfulness as Ellen Langer says in her book ‘Mindfulness’:
Mindfulness is creation of new categories,
openness to new information
and awareness of more than one perspective.

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 06:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)