Civility in the Workplace

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
--Sydney Harris, American journalist and author (1917-1986)

It’s a three-day weekend for most of us.
1. Leave work at work.
2. Slow down. Rethink spending the weekend devoted to the upkeep of lawn and garden, the house task list, the frantic rush to get somewhere (anywhere).
3. Pause long enough to remember the meaning of Memorial Day---paying tribute and relationships.

Memorial Day began as a time to honor fallen veterans. Today we remember any loved ones who have died.

I love walking cemeteries because it reminds me of my childhood Memorial Days when mom cut peonies and irises, put them in saved Miracle Whip jars that had been properly washed and the labels removed. Then she’d dig holes with an old butcher knife near numerous graves and leave the jars of flowers. Along the way she’d explain how the person was related and reminisce about that person.

I love walking cemeteries because I’ve done it in so many states in my genealogy hunts. It’s entertaining to imagine what life was like for those people and sometimes it’s really sad to look at graves of children buried near the parents.

Do some civil things so you can work toward ‘no regrets’
Call a relative or friend. Walk around the cemetery with a watering can and give those wilting flowers a drink on a grave of some unknown person. Write a letter. Read for pleasure. Enjoy nature. Spend time with people. Spend time alone. Connect in your mind with those who have gone, either from earth or from your life. Enjoy your three-day weekend.

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 07:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

One Monday my book club discussed ‘The Innocent Man: Murder and Injustice in a Small Town’ by John Grisham. It’s Grisham's first work of nonfiction. It focuses on the tragedy of Ron Williamson, a baseball hero from a small town in Oklahoma. Williamson became a dissolute, mentally unstable Major League washout put on death row for a hometown rape and murder he did not commit.

In typical understated fashion, Allen, one of the book club members, said, “Many mistakes can be made when you have arrogance and incompetence.” He was talking about the law enforcement officers, the attorneys and the judges involved in the original trials in Ada, Oklahoma.

The minute Allen said that, I thought what a terrific observation of far more than this book. Allen is a distinguished professor of animal science but he won’t tell you that. If I had to describe him in three words, I would say smart, humble and kind.

We probably all know arrogance and incompetence too well so let’s focus on humility, a component of civility.

What is humility?
Modest and unassuming in attitude and behavior about one's status or accomplishments
A quality expressed by a person who doesn't feel it necessary to talk about his accomplishments or experiences. A humble person isn't concerned about himself but shows respect and deference towards others.

I think the humble often are the first to believe there is always more to contemplate and learn. They tend to be really interesting people because they are curious and because you don’t know everything about them. And they’re the ones I want to be around at work and everywhere, actually.

How many humble people do you know? Would anyone describe you as humble?

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 06:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Civility, an Emerging Area of Specialization in Emotional Intelligence
This from the May 8 post on the blog Anger Management ala George Anderson

What is civility?
Civility is behavior in public that demonstrates respect for others and that entails curtailing one’s own immediate self-interest, when appropriate.

Civility is made up of three elements
• Civility is the common language for communicating respect for others and their views (the importance is in the gestures of respect more than the outcome of the behavior);
• Civility toward strangers requires that we behave in certain ways toward people who may mean nothing to us, and whom we are unlikely ever to encounter again, in the interest of hearing their thoughts; and,
• Civility involves holding back in the pursuit of one’s own immediate self-interest – we desist from doing what would be most pleasing to us for the sake of harmonious civil discourse with others, even strangers.

The author adds this: Daniel Goleman, the preeminent expert on Emotional Intelligence, offers the following tips on civility:
• “Conduct yourself with integrity, courtesy, and respect toward fellow members of our community”;
• “Hold individuals accountable for their actions”; and
• “Promote an environment where individuals feel safe and supported.”

http://angerblog.wordpress.com/2008/05/08/civility-an-emerging-area-of-specialization-in-emotional-intelligence/

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 07:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

From the Baltimore Sun--
People have taken more than 35,000 of the green magnetic reminders to "Choose Civility," and displayed them throughout the county on automobiles, refrigerators and file cabinets.

Now campaign leaders are planning to expand the effort with a free public symposium that will focus on the need for civility in all aspects of life.

"It is the notion that we are a human family...
The quality of our lives is determined to a great extent by the quality of our relationships," said Valerie Gross, executive director of the Howard County Library, which is the lead partner for the campaign.

The symposium has four sessions
Promoting Civility in Your Neighborhood
Why Looking Out for No. 1 Doesn't Work
Being Safe and Sensible in Cyberspace
Civility in the Workplace

Symposium organizers plan to highlight a message, as outlined in the book Seasons of Life by author Jeffrey Marx: "At the end of our life, we ought to be able to look back and know that somehow the world was a better place because we lived, we loved, we were other-centered, other-focused."

May 9, 2008 Baltimore Sun
Civility: More than a bumper sticker
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/howard/bal-ho.civility09may09,0,5578944.story

April 22, 2008 Washington Post
Civil Obedience: Local Book Inspires Seminars, Classes (background on the Choose Civility campaign)
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/21/AR2008042102733.html

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 06:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

A relation characterized by sympathetic understanding, emotional affinity and mutual trust and respect. The strongest relationships of deep rapport have no geographical or time boundaries. They continue for years and span miles.

Natural rapport
It’s comfortable. True rapport is engaging because there are always new thoughts and ideas to explore. I think of it as pleasurable ease. You can be near another and neither feels you have to talk. Yet when you’ve not talked for some time, the conversation is spontaneous. Natural rapport is a rare gift.

Instant rapport
You immediately feel a connection with someone. You feel you have known this person for years and can extend trust. Sometimes that holds true as you get to know the person better. Sometimes the initial connection is an illusion; someone tries to make a connection thinking he or she can profit from a relationship with you.

Building rapport
You can build rapport in the workplace with components of civility—respect, empathetic listening, curiosity and humility. It’s a mutually beneficial environment in which you build relationships with appreciation for differences and in spite of them.

“The best way to build good team work and rapport with coworkers is through the four Cs—commonalities, connectivity, communication and collaboration.”
Building Solid Work Relationships
Developing Rapport with Co-Workers
© Deborah S. Hildebrand, Nov 5, 2007
http://soft-skills-development.suite101.com/article.cfm/building_solid_work_relationships

“Some people think rapport is facilitated with an insincere interest in others or pretending to have similar interests. Others may think they are building rapport with a client by always agreeing with them, or being a “yes” person, and others will define rapport as changing their opinion to match their managers, or being over enthusiastic or pandering to them. None of these notions is correct.”
How to Define Professional Relationships in Rapport
By Geoffrey Ronning
http://www.geoffreyronning.com/art2.htm

“What exactly is rapport, that essential leaderhip skill? ….The way in which you interact with others has a major bearing on your success as an influencer. Ingredients for successful influence: trust, openness, comfort, acceptance, empathy, flexibility, something in common, shared understanding.”
How To Develop Rapport More Easily
by Jonathan Farrington, July 22, 2007
http://www.leadershipturn.com/how-to-develop-rapport-more-easily/

Posted by Lynette Spicer at 06:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)