Be generous and genuine with praise. Develop the habit of offering praise. Praise children for jobs well-done and for effort. Try giving specific praise like, “Thanks for cleaning up with me after we made cookies. You washed the bowl all by yourself, and you helped me find a place to put the cookie sheet.” Also, use praise to point out positive character traits.  For instance, “I like the way you stick with things even when it seems hard to do.”  Praise good decisions, such as, “I appreciate the way you reacted when I said that we couldn’t go to the movies this week. I’m glad you suggested this activity instead.”

Teach positive self-statements. Go beyond giving praise to teaching children how to appreciate themselves. Saying, “You must be really proud of yourself for…” guides children toward a more self-reliant, internalized pride than saying, “I’m proud of you for…”

Avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame. When giving children corrective feedback, choose your words and tone carefully. What you perceive as joking may not come across that way to a child. Try an “I” statement like, “I really like it when you tell me thank you,” instead of, “How come you never remember to say thank you?”

Teach children about decision-making and to recognize when they have made good decisions. If they solve their own problems, they gain confidence in themselves. If you solve them, they’ll remain dependent on you. Take the time to answer questions. Brainstorm their options with them.

Show children that you can laugh at yourself. Show them that life doesn’t need to be serious all the time and that sometimes teasing can be fun. 

A child’s self-esteem will vary based on the situation. A child may feel self-confident and accepted at home but not around the neighborhood. They may feel accepted and liked by their peers one moment and not the next. You can help in these instances by reassuring your child or Little that you support and accept him or her even while others do not. 

A child’s sense of self-worth will deepen when you respond to them with interest, rather than just flattery. For example, ask questions about a child’s drawing rather than just, “That’s a pretty picture.” If your Little knows a lot about animals, take them to the library to learn more. Your interest shows that you are taking them seriously.

Children benefit from activities that offer a real challenge. Involve your Little in activities that stretch his or her abilities and give her or him a sense of accomplishment. 

Self-esteem is most likely to be fostered when children are esteemed by the adults who are important to them. As Bigs and parents, you can build on the trust and respect in your relationship by asking their views and opinions, taking their views and opinions seriously, and giving them meaningful and realistic feedback. 

This article was adapted from the following online resources: http://www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/CA-0048/default.asp
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/self_esteem.shtml
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content2/Strengthen_Children_Self.html