Recent flooding, tornadoes and other severe weather events are causing disruption and changes for many Iowa families. Dealing with damaged or destroyed homes and businesses, changes in working hours and employment, and crop and livestock losses have adults reeling. But the grown-ups aren’t the only ones concerned, says Donna K. Donald, family life field specialist with Iowa State University Extension.
“The stress of these circumstances affects children, too,” Mrs. Donald said. “Children need support as they experience stress. They may not have the coping skills that adults have developed. Children may have difficulty putting their feelings and concerns into words and, instead, keep their feelings to themselves.”
When parents are experiencing major stresses, they may have difficulty recognizing stress in their children. However, parents as well as those who work with children need to watch for signs of stress in children who undergo major changes, Mrs. Donald said. Often children will express their stress in one of two ways.
Some children tend to withdraw and hold their feelings inside, the ISU Extension specialist said. They may try very hard to be good, work extra hard at tasks and make few demands on adults. They may experience physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches and other illnesses.
“Youngsters may feel that what is happening is somehow their fault,” Mrs. Donald said.
Other children tend to act out. They may lose their temper, become demanding or destructive, or bully other children. Research shows that under high levels of stress, boys tend to become more aggressive or destructive while girls tend to become anxious or depressed.
“Of course, there are many exceptions and variations to these patterns,” Mrs. Donald said.
How can adults tell if a child is under stress or simply expressing his or her natural personality? The key is change, Mrs. Donald noted. If a generally outgoing and cheerful child becomes withdrawn, that is a clue to possible signs of stress. Likewise, if a child who usually is quiet and easy-going becomes irritable or aggressive, that also can be a symptom of stress.
“When you notice signs of stress in children, you have an opportunity to help them learn to manage and deal with difficult circumstances,” Mrs. Donald said.
Here are some things adults can do to help children learn to handle stress.
• Be a good role model. Children benefit when adults take care of themselves. Eat well, get enough rest and physical activity, and take time to relax. When children see adults doing these things, it helps them learn the skills for coping with difficult situations.
• Help children talk about what is bothering them. Don’t force them to talk, but offer opportunities, such as at bedtime or when going to events.
• Spend some one-on-one time with your child. Having fun together reassures children that their parents are still there for them.
• Give back rubs and hugs, if children are open to such contact.
• Tell stories or find children’s books that help children understand stressful circumstances and show positive ways to handle these situations.
For more detailed information, contact your ISU Extension county office and ask for a copy of the publications “Helping Children Manage Stress” (PM 1660F) or “Understanding Children: Moving to a New Home.” (PM 1529G) They also are available from the ISU Extension Online Store at https://www.extension.iastate.edu/store/.