Parenting Together

If you are part of a blended family, here are some tips by experts Emily and John Visher:

Week 1
Start out in your own new place if at all possible. This will make for many fewer "turf" squabbles, hurt feelings, and more ability to rid yourselves of the ghosts of the past.

Week 2
Do not expect stepfamilies to be like first marriage families. There are characteristics
that make them different, that bring their own challenges and rewards. These characteristics can add a richness and diversity to the family and give the couple time on their own when children are in their other household.

Week 3
Ease in -- let things develop gradually. Relationships do not develop on demand. Trust takes time, and initially for the adults it is usually a strange and unfamiliar world and for most children it seems like a Star Wars Planet occupied by aliens. Don't be surprised if it takes 4-6 years to feel comfortable.

Week 4
Develop new traditions. These hasten the sense of belonging and connectedness as you develop familiar "rituals" and special celebrations to. We recently read of a wonderful tradition for stepfamilies: a celebration "dinner for "firsts" "...when Suzy first learns to read, Charlie gets his driver's license, a parent makes a hole in one.

Week 5
Negotiate differences -- don't fight over right and wrong. Whether or not the dog sleeps at the foot of the bed or in the garage is not right or wrong but simply two different expectations.

Adapted from: Tips for Stepfamilies by Emily & John Visher; founders of Stepfamily Association of America, 800-735-0329