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Parenting Together
Practice these Daily Temperature Readings for a month and soon
the behaviors will become habits. Do them all - even if at first
they seem artificial or corny. These simple but crucial skills can
make the difference between misery and happiness.
Week 1 Appreciations
Share five things you appreciate about each other. These can range
from the simple "I like your smile" to the sublime "I
like it that you were able to kiss and make up after I forgot to
pick you up last night." Appreciations build up credit in the
love bank. It can be a nice surprise to realize just how much our
partner notices and appreciates.
Week 2 Wishes, Hopes and Dreams
Stay in the present. To bring in feelings or complaints you had
in the past is, at best, meaningless, for they are history and can't
be changed anyway. Everyone has his/her own perception/memory of
past events. They are always "accurate."
Week 3 New Information
We often forget to update our partner about a change in plans or
circumstances. We tell people at work or a family member and think
we've told our spouse. Make the daily updates a ritual. Information
like "The dentist said Bobby won't need braces after all"
or "I'll have to be in San Francisco an extra day" is
crucial to staying in-synch and feeling connected.
Week 4 Puzzles
Clear-up big or little mysteries before they become suspicions,
jealousy, false assumptions, or resentments. Most "puzzles"
have simple explanations. "You promised you'd water the tomatoes
before you left this morning. What happened?" "The water
was turned off. Was it back on when you got up?" You have to
ask.
Week 5 Complaints with request
for change
Get in the habit of saying what you want rather than what you don't
want. Describe a specific behavior that bothers you and explain
how you'd like it done. Instead of "I get furious when you
call and don't leave a message," say, "Honey, when you
call and get the machine, please don't say 'It's me' and hang up.
Say why you're calling, and when you'll call back, or be home, or
whatever it was you were calling to tell me."
Source: Love Lessons from the Smart Marriages Conference. Founder
Diane Sollee MSW. www.smartmarriages.com |
