Parenting Together

Is 2001 the year to deepen your intimacy with your partner? Put pleasure, adventure and play into your relationship with good conversation. Set aside weekly time to enjoy satisfying talk together.

Week 1
Notice your conversation with your partner this week. Is it usually like a debate – a competition to see who is more right and who is wrong? Is it focused on defining and solving problems? Getting your partner to do or agree to something? These “I” conversations have one winner and one loser. Vital relationships need conversations that focus on the “we”. Set a time next week to have a “we” conversation.

Week 2
Explore your curiosity. - Start by thanking your partner for trying this with you. The goal is for both of you to play being the learner. Pick a topic that interests you both and for which neither of you has an answer. Ask yourselves these questions: What is something or someone that you and I are each interested in or curious about? Do we share that interest or curiosity? (Examples: What form of work gives the most satisfaction? Why are we born? What lifestyle do we want after we retire?) Spend 30 minutes (or longer) exploring each other’s thoughts and feelings about this.

Week 3
Count Our Blessings - Thank your partner for spending time talking with you. Make a list of all that you, as a couple, have to be thankful for. Spend 30 minutes (or longer) pondering together, “Why are we so lucky/special to have these blessings in our life? Set a time to talk in the next week.

Week 4
Identify Our Strengths - Together make a list of strengths you both bring to the relationship. Get out the photo albums and talk about how your relationship has endured over time. Spend 30 minutes or more talking about the times you “made it through” a difficult time together. Make a date for next week to do something for fun.

Week 5
Appreciate - Note the subjects that your partner is an “expert” in. (e.g. how the dishwasher is loaded, weather patterns, money management, behavior of 2 year olds, etc) Express appreciation for her experience and knowledge in that area. Tell how you would like to be included when you are NOT the expert in a situation.

Source: “Good Conversation: Strengthening Couple Relationships”, Jan 2000, Family Information Service Professional Resource Materials, Minneapolis, MN, based on The Pleasure of Good Conversations: a Playbook for Couples by Dr. David Sanford, www.marriagesupport.com