Ages & Stages

Pre-teens Need Dad
Is it the zits, the mood swings or the “attitude”? Is your child between the ages of 9-14? Welcome to the world of parenting teens! It’s not as scary as people make it out to be, but it does present special challenges.

As a father, you’ve watched your child grow through changes before; this is another stage of the growing up game. You are just as influential in this process as in the earlier growth stages. Preteens change physically, mentally, and emotionally and need several things from their dads:

• Recognize that signs of independence are normal and necessary.
• Listen for feelings and take her seriously. Preteens have important things to say.
• Work together to solve problems.
• Continue to provide firm expectations.
• Schedule family fun time.
• Continue to show love and respect toward your emerging teenager.
• Keep learning about what comes next. Ask “seasoned” parents, read parenting information.

Links
Preteen, Young Teen Development (pdf)

Monitoring Teens or Dad Patrol
“I thought it would be easier when the kids were out of diapers and didn’t need so much hands-on care.” Teens need just as much “watching” as toddlers do; a different form of monitoring is needed. Teens need dads who are warm and loving AND who set and enforce appropriate limits. Keeping a child safe and healthy is still our job even when they become more mobile and capable.

Keep these questions in your wallet, memorize, and practice them until you can say them in your sleep. You may have to!

* Who will you be with?
* What will you be doing?
* Where will you be?
* When will you be back?
* How can I reach you?

“If your kid says he’s going to athletic practice before school, check to see that he is. He doesn’t have to know you did. This isn’t about trust, it’s about teaching healthy values and keeping him safe. I learned the hard way.” Ned, father of teen in treatment.

Links
Keeping Young People Out of Trouble

Quality Time, Quality Books

Build your child’s confidence in reading aloud, help others increase their exposure to literary works, and make memories all at the same time!

My Daddy
By Susan Paradis, Asheville, NC: Front Street, 1998.

This book describes the heroic and super human manner a young boy looks at his father. The boy finds it absolutely amazing that his father is able to do all of these adult activities. For example, he is able to cross the street by himself, ride a two wheeler, stay up past midnight, and mow the grass! The beautiful illustrations that accompany the text bring the young boy and his father to life. There are also many jungle animals hidden in the illustrations, ask your child to identify these animals.

Me & My Dad activities

• Make a list of things that Dads can do and that children can do.
• Draw pictures illustrating these many different things.
• Staple the pages together to make a book that you can read together later.
• Discuss how children and adults help each other to accomplish things they cannot do by themselves. Be sure to include safety reasons.
• Pick one thing you can both do together and go do it!

The Wednesday Surprise
By Eve Bunting, New York: Clarion, 1989.
In this powerful and beautiful story the importance of lifelong learning and reading are explored and discussed. To celebrate her father’s birthday, a young girl teaches her father’s mother how to read. You might want a tissue when reading this book to your child.

Me & My Dad activities

• Get a tape recorder and a book that your child can read.
• Record your child reading.
• Send the tape to a grandparent, young cousins or other loved ones living far away.
• Let your child pick a book he wants to have read to him.
• Record your voice reading it to him.
• Listen to the tape and follow along in the book together.