| Featured Fathers
 Books are sacred. They give knowledge and wisdom. You cannot step on books!" Anthony's East Indian culture comes through strongly as he tries to teach his 2 children appropriate behavior. A Malaysian native, Anthony met his wife Shaeley in Singapore while on separate mission trips. Although they live in the U.S. Anthony's values influence his fathering. His own father, a gifted storyteller, influenced Anthony's love for education and Christian spirituality. He desires to pass on those same values to his children.
Anthony's favorite times with 5 year old son Malkan are riding bicycles together, cooking, and building things at home. He gets regular time with Malkan and his 1 1/2 year old daughter Kaysia. Even as a marriage and family therapist in private practice and full time doctoral student, Anthony finds time to do the morning routines with his children. His less frequent evening times include reading, watching movies and active play time with them. As a family they enjoy camping on weekends.
American movies also had an affect on Anthony's image of fathering and family life. He did not grow up experiencing family vacations and birthday celebrations. He and Shaeley have incorporated both into their family life, although he still needs reminders of anniversaries and other dates of importance to his wife.
His biggest fear is losing connection with his kids. His work frequently keeps him away from home in the evenings. When he comes home after not seeing Kaysia for several days, she ignores him and it hurts! "Hey where's my hug?!" Anthony cajoles and then receives the overdue affection. "I don't want my kids to get used to me not being there."
Dating, although far on the horizon for Anthony's children, is on his mind. "My culture included arranged marriages and extended knowledge of your future spouse's family. That is different here. I want my children to date only one person at a time and take relationships very seriously. I want them to find out what is right for them. Divorce would be shameful and an embarrassment to my family. I am learning about which values are worth fighting for. Anthony also feels sometimes values tend to take on a fluid nature, depending on when and where an individual may be or may have been. He shares a Malay proverb "where you are there you exalt the heavens", which he interprets as adopting the values and the culture of the land of residence. Anthony believes that all cultures have strengths and weaknesses, and that it is important to focus on the strengths. Anthony really appreciates the quality of his relationship with his wife's American family. Anthony feels truly blessed to have met Shaeley and her family and is also proud of his own family of origin. Anthony remembers one of his most important current values, "I am working to not be judgmental and to focus on strengths I see."
"I would like fathers and families in America to know that they don't have to do it alone. I wish it were less individualistic. I am inviting my neighbors into my home, go out of my way to say 'Hello'. It is important to reach out, network. To press on and give people hope and connection."
Press on, Anthony, toward the goal of creating your own family's unique culture! |
