Teens face tough decisions these days, many concerning “risky” behaviors involving drugs, alcohol and sexual activity. Adults may think the best choice is obvious, but teens often draw very different conclusions. Why don’t we see eye-to-eye on these difficult issues?
“It is not just peer pressure at work,” said Donna Donald, Iowa State University Extension family life field specialist. “How teens make decisions is affected by their personality; level of cognitive, social and emotional development; overall maturity; and both family and peer values. It is also affected by their mood, time constraints and past experiences.”
Mrs. Donald describes some ways adults and teens view benefits vs. risks differently:
--A parent’s view of the value of options available is not the same as a teen’s. Attending Saturday night’s big party and having a few drinks means the teen can be where the ‘action’ is. Staying at home may please the parent, but it may be more important to the teen to fit in.
--A parent’s view of consequences is not the same as a teen’s. Having unprotected sex might lead to pregnancy or disease in a parent’s view, but to a teen, not having sex might mean losing the boy/girlfriend.
--A parent’s view of the likelihood of a particular outcome is not the same as a teen’s. Others may die from drinking and driving, but ‘it won’t happen to me!’ This kind of thinking is common among young people, while adults usually recognize the risk.
So how can parents help their teens make good decisions? “Learning to make good decisions is a family affair. You can teach your teenagers to make good decisions on their own by giving them responsibility, information and guidance.
“Pass along your decision making skills and values. Be involved in your teens’ lives. Know what is going on. Create opportunities for them to make choices. Support them in their learning. And work with them through both positive and negative consequences of their choices,” said Mrs. Donald.
For more information, Mrs. Donald suggests the following resources:
Shaefer, C. E. & DiGeronimo, T. F. (1999). How to talk to teens about really important things. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass
Steinberg, L. & Levine, A. (1997). You and your adolescent: A parent’s guide for ages 10-20. New York, NY: Harper Perennial
Iowa State University Extension
www.extension.iastate.edu
University of Minnesota Extension
www.umn.edu
Family Resource Online
http://familyresource.org
The National Parenting Center
http://www.tnpc.com
Talk with your kids
http://www.talkingwithkids.org/